Spoken Hope Youth Member

Spoken Hope Member - Nate

Hello! I am somebody who wants to share my story. If you are experiencing any of the symptoms I list down here, please seek a professional. Do not self diagnose. I am currently on a journey to be diagnosed. We are currently a system with about 30 - 40 alters (personalities, if you will), and we wanted to share our story on here as there is a large amount of stigma about DID, and we wanted to be one of the systems that could hopefully shed light on this disorder, and possibly help others who suffer from it. I’m not going to explain everything about DID, but if you want to find out more about it, I highly recommend you watch dissociadid’s channel. They make tons of videos about DID, PTSD, CPTSD, tra*ma, etc . What causes it, things you can do to help yourself/others with it, etc.

Now, onto my story!

I remember waking up in places that I didn’t remember, owning things that I remember I didn’t buy, and people telling me that I did things that I didn’t remember doing. I’ll be honest, I was scared. Now, if you are experiencing these symptoms, please, do not self diagnose. I repeat, do not self diagnose. Go see a doctor! They are professionals and can help you! Just because you have these symptoms doesn’t mean you have DID!

I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone; that I was alone in the world. I wanted to see a therapist but I couldn’t at that time. I did months and months of research, scouring through article after article, trying to find out more about DID and alters. Again, it was for research purposes. I became less judgemental and more intrigued with DID and understanding. It took a while, and a lot of work, but I managed to get through to one of my alters. I didn’t want to accept them. Trust me, it was hard. But after I got to talk with at least one of them, I managed to talk to more of them. It was hard at first, some of them were scared, or angry that they had been put in this system with little to no information on how they got there. But I got through it. I finally had the confidence to go find a therapist that I could trust. My family helped me get help, and we went to a doctor to try and find someone. 

We started going to therapy, and now we’re seeing a therapist! Now, we are not diagnosed. We are definitely trying to see a psychologist, however, nobody in our area specializes in dissociation. So, you may be skeptical. Which is understandable. I am passionate about mental health, and I actually own the DSM-5. I do not diagnose people nor myself using it. It’s more of a research tool anyway. So please, reach out! You can get through this! You’re strong and amazing! 

And now, I’m on two committees! If I can do this, so can you! The committee I am on is called Access Open Minds/Spoken Hope. It will be a building that is a safe space for everyone, no matter who you are. You can get help whenever you need it, and it is a comfortable space for everyone. It is for youth ages 11-25 and you do not have to wait to get help. 

You may feel like you’re alone. But so many people are feeling the same way you do, and it’s very important to go seek help from professionals who can help you.

So, that’s my story! Well, some of it anyway. 

If you are going through a similar process as I did, here are some tips I can give you. (And information) Or if you’re supporting someone going through this:

  • If you are having trouble with talking to your alters, write down notes on pieces of paper and try getting them to communicate that way! You may only be having conversations on pieces of paper, but that’s okay! (And if they don’t talk, don’t be discouraged! Just keep trying! They may be scared, angry, etc!) 
  • Try and find a person that you feel safe and comfortable with that you can talk to about what’s happening. 
  • Do not, I repeat do not let other people tell you that your tra*ma is invalid or isn’t “enough.” And do not feel pressured to tell anyone about your tra*ma. Only do it if you feel safe and you want to. Again, do not feel pressured to tell anyone about it. It is none of their business.
  • Lastly, you will get through this. It may be tough, but eventually, you will get through this. You are strong, and you are loved. I care about you.

Thank you for reading.

~ Sincerely, the host of this system.


Please note that as a result of COVID-19 safety precautions our Walk-In Clinics and County Mental Health Clinics are on hold however, our services remain OPEN.  To schedule an appointment or find out more, please contact our Intake Dept. at (519) 337-3701.